FORM 1 ALREADY?

My niece is joining form one! What the...!!! How old am I? Where did the time go and what have I been doing all this time? I remember 4 or 5 years ago when her mom would complain about how she always lost her sweaters and socks at school. Who loses socks? Why would she take them off in the first place?!! Stacy was a very active girl at the time. By the time she got home from school, her uniform was not uniform with the others.
And yet by the time she was in class eight she had fully transformed into a young lady. I'm not so sure how I feel about that. Two weeks ago I tried to engage her in a game of freesbies. She declined, saying she didn't like to run. Going to form 1 now, she's all grown up. So I'd like to dedicate this post to Stacy's mom and all other first time, form one moms out there. You are my heroes. When did it all begin?

Baby Shower
You got colour-coded clothes and items bought from Biashara Street. 3 months in, the new clothes are too small and now Biashara Street seems too costly. This time you hit Toi Market. By the time baby is 6 to 9 months and crawling around, Toi Market is too pricey. After all, what you need is simple clothes that baby can spend in. So it's Gikomba, direct. You learn that's where you should have started in the first place. You keep the vendor's number so that she can call you the next time she opens a bale. You got that covered.

Terrible Times
What happened to the little bundle of joy? Baby grew up into a bundle of terror. She knows how to say "No" and seems to over use it. Baby bites and if she is being polite, she'll only spit. Baby knows that pulling your hair hurts and it amuses her so much. She doesn't cry anymore. No. She screams and shouts and throws herself onto the floor and kicks her little feet, just to get your attention, because you grabbed the permanent marker from her hands. The walls are silently grateful for this, the abstract artwork is getting out of hand. And for some reason, her brain has refused to include the act of swallowing in the eating process. Yet, in the midst of the chaos, you got it covered.

Little Miss Muffet
The little one is no longer a baby. In fact, she's a little genius; when you say, "One..." she says "Two.."! How about that; she counts up to TWO! She scribbled a circle in your report just when you blinked; surely Da Vinci would be proud of that, the little one is an artist. It's time to go to school. You want nothing but the best. However, at 3 years old, you are two and a half years too late to join the waiting list at Msingi Bora. Just as well, it's too far anyway. So she goes to the neighbourhood Day Care and Kindergarten which turns out to be a blessing. Before you know it, the little one can write her own name, including all the letters of the alphabet and numbers 1 to 100. You pat yourself on the back, you've got it covered.

Tween to Teen
Kindergarten years were swift. Tricky questions like "Where do babies come from?" were given simple answers like, "God plants a seed in mommy's tummy when she's sleeping..." But now the little one is not little any more, at 10, she needs real answers. You know she already heard a version from the boys at school so you google and try to give her a more dignified version that doesn't include words like d**k or p***y. And while you're at it, you might as well introduce the topic of menstruation. You keep a stern face as you explain that even though period cramps can be excruciatingly painful...like twisting a knife inside your tummy, they are nothing compared to labour pains, "So don't let any boy put his private parts any where near your private parts." Yeah, you got that covered.

Teenage Mutant
In the years ahead, your little girl starts to grow into her own person; physically and psychologically. You were once her mummy, now you're just "Mum". She spends an awful amount of time on her cellphone, giggling and typing endless whatsapp messages. You have to address her twice or three times to get her monosyllabic answer. She rolls her eyes when you confront her about some unfinished house chore and she even talks back in defiance. Did I give birth to this person?! She thinks you're selfish, over-protective, old-fashioned and backward. It's heartbreaking. You know she's going through a phase, yet for some reason you still question your parenting methods. It's just as well she's off to boarding school. I think, you've got that covered.

Your bundle of joy and terror, the little Miss Muffet and Teenage mutant is off to Form One to discover a world where Tea actually runs out, bread is a delicacy, lunch does not come with ketchup and weevils are part of the diet. By the time she's done with high school she'll be a thriving young adult ready to conquer the world. So congratulations mums and dads. Rest easy, you've got it covered.

Image: St. Hannah's